THE TAROT CARDS

 Not sure what to think about what is happening to me today. I suppose coming to terms with not being in employment is one thing. But, I even looked at my old Tarot Cards for some reassurance, & what came up was the Hanged Man; Here we have the kind of strung out, suspension of everything. Coming to terms indeed of not being in my last routine. I had been with me for 6 months, & I got into the routine of working. I guess, now I am beginning to feel a little lonely at not having that outlet open to me at the moment. I am not sure if I actually miss the job itself, it is more the structure of the patterns that I miss. There is that side of me that knows I will be able to return in the future, but that may be my old denial self-preservation kicking in to help me cope with the loss. Because that is what it is, loss. Although it is not much in itself to be so upset with, there is still a measure of loss & adjustment to it.

 Adjusting to a loss is a very strange thing. Yesterday I was thinking about it is just an illusion blaming our parents for our issues. I thought a lot about this today, & wanted to touch upon it a bit.

 One can choose to see our parents as the brunt of all our woes, or as just the way, in ones ignorance, of how we dealt with the problems of our particular problems. I have to begin thinking like this as it is helping me. Of course, this may not be a suitable chain of thought for everyone. I spoke of my observations in realising how much energy I need to put into a particular thought pattern & if we attach those processes to a negative or positive dynamic than that dynamic will come back to us. If we choose to hang out with negative or positive people than we will get in return that persons energy back to us. For example; I saw a person whom I do not like, he makes me feel uncomfortable, & I choose to have nothing to do with him, yet he tried hard to connect with me, but I protected myself from him, choosing to see him as an emotional bully & controller. But, for a long time afterwards he was still with me. Anger is what this person felt for me, jealousy too, which both are particularly destructive emotions.

 Anger is a particularly nasty one. For it makes us do ridiculous things, & can, in its rawest form, actually kill. but, usually it does less destruction than actual death, but can still do immense harm. Emotional harm is just as cruel & horrid as physical.