Great to hear back from you. .
Of course, I understand your not one for long letters. So, perhaps I can share with you one of the main reasons that I have written to you this evening.
Sadly, without realizing it, I had gotten used to being in a poor mental & financial state. Looking back I can see that I had established deep underlying issues, due to the loss of Nathan . Brian`s dismissive & incredibly neglectful attitude towards me back then led me to find comfort in the very simple things in life & financial security was not one of them. Simply put, I needed & craved for emotional support from him that was in no way reciprocated. In fact, when we did talk Brian would take great pleasure in letting me know how well he was doing & how great all the various countries were that he visited ! He simply became totally unavailable to me.
When the door security became too much to contend with & the Arabs stopped coming I began living humbly by buying & selling vinyl records online. It did not pay that much, but I lived within my means & it was this that humbled me. Mum continued to love & support me &, in short, guided me back, I think, unwittingly, to a full life again.
Naturally, things got bad at times & sometimes life would provide for me wonderful moments, like sitting by the river in Wandsworth Park on warm evenings or playing the drums in front of an appreciative audience. Then last year, through a friend in security, an opportunity to return to the Industry presented itself, completely by chance.
My friend asked me if I would be interested in helping him out with film security on a picture called, Legend, for Working Title Films. I was nervous & had never once considered returning to the industry. It was, to all intents & purposes, a part of my life that I no longer had any connection with. It was alien to me or so I thought. I said I would & went into work. But, after being there an hour I establisheof my life that I no longer had any connection with. It was alien to me or so I thought. I said I would & went into work. But, after being there an hour I established who the CM was, dropped a few names & within a day or so started work with him as a Painter. I ended up doing part of the Stand -By !!
Then, whilst I was there, Paul W got in touch & offered me a job on his, then, new picture for Disney Productions, at Pinewood Studios. Naturally, I took it & have been with him now for six months. He put me on a contract with his first batch of painters & I hit the ground running.
It was nerve racking for me returning to the studios &, at times, I really felt like running away. I was scared, vulnerable &, at the same time, really wanted to prove to myself that I could do it again. There was a bumpy start for me. Frustratingly, a painter named, Jay began harassing me. And, I did not know what to do, so I spoke with Joe, my Supervisor, who was able to move me to another stage. I remembered this persons Father, but never knew him that well. It was not the start that I wanted, but I kept my head down & got on with it.
It has been an extraordinary period, these last couple of years & I am pleased to report that, by & large, everyone has been very nice & supportive towards me. Now things are good. Many people have got in touch with me & offered me various job. They like to talk of the old me by telling me how mature & grown up I have become. Keith & Tony have become very supportive & I know that I owe them much for their kindness towards me.
There is no place for my Father in my life anymore & recently we talked on the phone, just by chance, due to a friend who took it upon himself to phone him & explain that we were working together. It was such a disappointing experience for me. I compared his dialogue with all I had been through & knew I had been through & knew that I was saying goodbye, for good.
Life works for me now & I am so happy to be back working again. Mum is happy that its happened for me too. Together we got through our bereavement.
My choice of words in describing the mantel that I place you on are genuine & meant. For, you showed me how to live & how to get by.
Today, I can see that back then I did not need the lessons you unselfishly gave to me, because I thought that I knew best. Now I can see that what you showed me was not for then, but, later when real living would kick in. When I would feel that I couldn`t cope.
You knew, that one day I would need, more than anything else, those lessons of real life that you had experienced & that, due to my good fortune, you chose to share with me. And, you were right, my friend, they worked & it saved my sanity, my dignity, my life.
I promised myself that when I got better, well again, that I would write to you & express my gratitude for all you gave to me by way of unconditional respect & dignity when I was just a boy.
Soon we will meet & laugh
