Monday, 30 December 2013

Big Joe Louis. London Blues Man

 " God Almighty ", Hunter S Thompson once said at the end of an Albert King gig, at the Whiskey A Go Go back in 1967. He came out onto the cold Strip &, for once, was left speechless & shaken by what he had just experienced. This is exactly how I felt last night after watching the fantastic Joe Louis perform a solo Blues session in Brixton. We, the audience, were treated to an incredible performance of great Blues, coupled with passion & a sheer brilliance that humbled everyone of us.

 The gig began with an explosive version of an old Charley Patton number, that was personal & intense. Then like some Crawling King Snake preparing for battle, Joe eased effortlessly into a slick, fast & intense session, which never let up for one moment. I felt a roller coaster ride of unrequited love, rejection, desire, & deep happiness as he drove on. One after the other, originals & classics, Joe shot his Gibson out at us like some incredible Gatlin gun firing so powerfully that civic rest maybe be threatened if he continued.

 Later, Little George joined Joe on stage & I was left humbled by the sheer intensity of their personal dynamic together. With these guys its personal. George`s Harp tore through the venue like a tornado, & I saw many heavy jaws hanging round the joint as he blew on through two tracks. So professional, exciting, so real.

 Spending time at Joe`s gig last night was an experience that I am grateful to of had. It was invigorating, life-affirming & excellent. If nothing else, I now know how Hunter S Thompson felt that cold night on the Strip back in `67 !

 "Let the good times roll, Brother "




Tuesday, 10 December 2013

STILLNESS. A MEDITATION.

This is a wonderful space. Thank you for creating it.
Stillness can be incredibly intimidating as one tries to understand it. Stay away from it & you run the risk of becoming neurotic.
Eventually you will understand that stillness will become the tool by which you alone are the one who is able to heal every ailment within your body just by thinking about it.
Allow Stillness into your life & you will receive the ultimate wisdom & guidance. For it is your higher-self that is Stillness. Understand this & you will suddenly become empowered & able to steer away from your fears, bringing about a better, more fulfilling way of life.
Stillness enables you to feel better about who you are, & ultimately give you the courage to walk with inner strength. Life was never meant to be a drag, it was only ever meant to be a slow walk through a valley on a sunny afternoon.
If Stillness is not yet a part of your life it soon will be.
Don`t be less than you are supposed to be, meditate upon Stillness. Become.

Sunday, 8 December 2013

Daddies Red Sauce

  • Conversation started Tuesday
  • Matthew St John Higgins
    Matthew St John Higgins

    Hi there,
    Its inconceivable to me that you should be advertising a `Brown Daddies` bottle on your FB page ! Red Daddies is by far the superior of the two`Daddies`sauces. Seeing your Brown bottle advertised has really driven me to get in touch, & let you know how strongly I feel that you should be advertising the Red, as opposed to the Brown, on your FB page.
    I have , when I have been able to find it, always bought, & used, Red Daddies as any consistent eater would. I practiced this loyalty even when the bottles neck used to have stuck to it a picture of some chap on it. He was, I presume, meant to look like someones daddy from up North. He had a tie on, with a v-neck jersey over the top of it, but he looked unlike anybody`s Daddy that I ever met. As a child this odd-looking fellow aroused my suspicions to such an extent that they led me to believe that he wasn`t real.
    Anyway, my email is, & I hope that you are able to take some notice of it.
    Just thought I would let you know the tide of sentiment towards the `Brown Daddies` bottle, & not the `Red`

Saturday, 7 December 2013

Payola, Racism & The 1950`s US Radio Station Industry.

 The rare Stompin` Compilations have been in & out of my life since I was about fourteen. These magnificent, encyclopedic albums of distinction are really worth looking into. I`m not the first to wonder at their provenance. Perhaps not the last either ? Information is lean, & like all great mysteries there`s a story behind them, & its the tale of the Stomper`s musicians that I really want to isolate & then draw out into the open so that I might find out more about them. For, I think the lack of information behind the series is there so that one may delve deeper into their recesses & at the same time allow the process to improve oneself by learning more about this period of history.

 As a youth I listened to the Stomper`s religiously. I credit them with providing an awesome backdrop of  music that quite literally shaped my youth. They really did carve out my ego & gave me confidence & attitude. Not to mention assistance with everything from dancing to chatting up girls. So, last week, when I played one I was quite literally floored by the weight of pleasure that hit me the second time around. I had forgot just how good these were.

  After thinking about them all week I decided to dedicate the following weekend to my collection of Stomper`s. It came as no surprise the second time around when I recognized these albums as not just any old compilations, but something real & meaningful. There was a story in there, but I had to look between the grooves to really understand it though.

 My collection began resembling something more akin to a Mojo, or John The Conquer, then a pile of vinyl, as I played them, as Pixie my girlfriend & her friends began grooving round the room to them as they prepared to go out. They didn`t see what the Stomper`s were doing to their basic motor systems, but I could & I got it immediately. For me, I needed to get back in tune with these rare beasts that once swam around the recesses of my brain, like now.

 Pixie now gone for the evening, I faced my exciting task head on. I now had the time & the space to get into the grooves & start communicating with them. I began by locating the vibrations that made everyone lose themselves. They were not easy to contend with, they were strong, tricky & buoyant. As I listened intently to every note I slowly felt as though I was being taken over by some ghostly snake charmer who controlled  me with a mysterious lute. I was certainly transfixed. Yet, after a while I settled into proceedings & began easing up a bit. Laptop at the ready, I began to write as I listened. Here`s what I came up with;

 Firstly, one has to understand, the Stomper`s are not your average, best of compilations, that usually end up in your Fathers record cabinet. These are very cool & very hip compilations, that have had massive amounts of love & time love literally poured into them. They border on the elusive & seem to attract themselves to those with an above average intelligence. These albums also suggest that the compilers had a sense of higher purpose when compiling them. A calling that the average man would never understand, even if you tried to explain it to him. Its seems odd to suggest such heady malarkey, but the quality of music & musicians really does blow in that direction. To not allow it such credence would be doing it an injustice.

 The compilations do a lot of justice to everyone involved in the compiling of them. They hold water & feel good when you play them. The music is hip, cool & utterly absorbing, a real gas. For music this old & still sounding fresh is incredible. The compilers have a done a wonderful job putting the compilations together & should still be patting themselves on the back, even now. They look as though they run from one through to around thirty. But are incredibly difficult to locate. If you go looking for them you wont find them easily. They do show up randomly on odd record sites, but go in search of the holy grail of this series, Number One, & you`ll be hard pushed to find it anywhere. Frustratingly, I have been seeking it now for years, & have just about given up that pitiless task. Although I must admit that I was left asking myself why was there not more information available on the musicians ? One look at the cover & your left scratching your head. The sounds are legendary, but the artists are not, & this is what floors me. It`s also one of the reasons that I chose to undertake this task. I had an overwhelming desire to try & understand why these killer tunes & their artists are not house-hold names. They certainly should be.

  I am a musician, not by profession, but love, & really appreciate passion in music. I play because I enjoy the sound my soul & mind make when I allow it too. Music is my world & there is nothing more important to me than playing & listening to quality sounds. Like John Miles said back in the `70`s, Music Is My First Love, & It Will Be My Last. Take a look at my vinyl collection & you will see that those sentiments sum me up perfectly. Girlfriends have come & gone, but my music still stands there. I am flawed, lost at times & try to to do the best I can. I think I`m normal because I love vinyl & my Drums as much as I do any anything else, but I maybe wrong. Yet the one thing that links my type up with everyone else in the Western world is pay-off. Now I don`t necessarily mean money, could be emotions, work, anything. What I mean by pay-off is cause & effect. If I do something that I feel is great & it sounds thus, then it deserves a platform to be heard. If I believe that the art I have created is great I can if I choose give it a platform to be heard, an opportunity to express itself freely. This is democratic, & also good form. In music there is always a pay-off because the work a musician put into his music is gold, & this is what causes it to progress. Appreciation can come from many mediums such as; social media, gigs, TV. If Its a labour of love, & deserves recognition than it should be free to express itself this way.

 However, what I began to find as I researched the Comps was a definite lack of appreciation for the artists, beyond the inclusion of their music on the albums. The closer I delved into the provenance of the artists the more I continually came up against a disturbing lack of information surrounding them. Everywhere I looked there was a vast, oceanic void of facts, & the deeper I swam the more it unsettled me. I guessed what I was coming up against were issues that had been kicked into the long grass years ago & conveniently forgotten about. As though there was some ethereal, unwritten rule insinuating silence surrounding the background of these musicians. And it was uncomfortable the more I persisted.

 Some time ago I had put on my thinking cap, donned  a brave face & confronted this gargantuan personal desire for more information on the Stomper musicians. Excited, intrigued & with perhaps a little naively, I had dived into my research  with the excitement of a child. Naturally, this brought up many memories & feelings from the past that I must include if I am to make any real sense here. 



 As a kid growing up in leafy, suburban Surrey I was not geographically equipped to cope with the logistics of getting hold of great vinyl. There was, of course, Record Collector. A wonderful, monthly bible of proportion, that drove me to use the ads section at its rear. It equally drove me into fits of frustration too, due to my impatience at having to wait for the post whenever I had ordered records. I could not rely upon RC, & so after a while, I went elsewhere.

 One Saturday morning, in the early `90`s, I stumbled into Rays Jazz Shop, in London. On first entering the place I instinctively knew I had stumbled into a palace fit for a king, well, a wet kid from Weybridge really. As a boy I must of spent more money in Rays than I did anywhere else. Strangely though I knew that every time I spent a few pounds I knew that I was making a good investments for my future. The conundrum I continuously found myself in was one where I needed to be in a good position to get my hands on those fabulous sounds that only Rays ever managed to acquire.Weybridge was not accommodating enough when it came to buying mean, dirty R+B from the States. The place was too clean & it did`nt take me long to fly away from it.

 I learnt more about Jazz & Blues from Ray`s employees than I did from the internet or library. Rays  employees were good at keeping secrets simply because they knew so much about the distinct genres. I remember creeping in there one morning, just as it opened, & immediately I was pulled to one side by the guy who worked in the basement. He took me down the stairs & whispered barely audibly,  " Hey man, come check this out, right now". He slipped his arm around my shoulder &, like I was not really supposed to be there, he took me down those labyrinth of stairs & into a dark corner where he proceeded to play a brand new arrival just in from the distribution company, from outer Mongolia for all I cared. Then he played me my first introduction to the Stomper`s, & with all the weight of a Sonny Liston punch, I was hit hard by the genre of the album. The sounds that emanated from that Hi-Fi system they had down there battered me around & around the circumference of the little room for about half the side of volume five. I was aching all over by the end of it, but not physically. Financially was where I was beginning to sting. I needed them all, & at £15.00 a pop, I knew that I may lose the bout. I was emotional.

 Instantly hooked, I took to the Stompin` compilations like a fish to water. They were just phenomenal  & so musically powerful. In fact, so good that you could pick up your stylus, put it down anywhere & still get a kick out of any track on any side. Deliciously good, & exciting beyond all reasonable doubt, I wanted more. But research was needed if I was to really enjoy the sounds that were fast changing my philosophy on life. So I decided to set myself the challenge of what later turned out to be the near impossible task of finding out where these guys came from, & why the hell were they had not been bigger than they were.

 Research was much more difficult back then. Information was not so freely available & there always seemed to be a mistrust from my parents whenever I asked them about their past. It seemed like I was extracting teeth whenever I asked them about groups they had watched as youths back in the `60`s.  I remember once asking my Father what it was like sitting in front of Howlin` Wolf whilst he chatted to Muddy Waters, before they went onto play together, in some bar in the West End, but all he could share with me was a shrug & a," Well, OK". Astrologically blessed, the fool had been placed universally as fortunate as  man could be, & he failed to see it !

 Dejection led me to read clandestinely about these mighty warriors that traveled overseas to London to entertain unappreciative people, such as my parents. Fortunately though not everyone was insatiable. There were many switched on folks that could see the importance of what was happening, & grasped the opportunities presenting themselves & recorded, for future generations, many great happenings. Blue Horizon, for one, really took advantage of the transition, knowing that there were once-in-a-lifetime opportunities to get down on plastic some of the lesser known great, like Otis Spann & Curtis Jones. Giorgio Gomelsky`s knew that his band, The Yardbirds needed to record an album with Sonny Boy Williamson if the man ever came by. He did & what you have is the incredible Fontana offering of them all together in 1965. God almighty, if you want hear some sweet sounds, check into that.

  Eventually though, other pressing engagements, such as University & girls, matched the attention the Stomper`s deserved & my focus waned. My interest went to sleep for a few years as my education jostled for the attention it needed. Although the whole way through University those compilations continually tantalized me like some beast lurking in the background of my unconsciousness. Always whispering that I should get the task done & uncover as much as possible as I can about those artists. Freud once said that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, but not this time, this beast was alive & kicking, just as Kip Anderson was when he belted out, Try My Love, on Volume four. So I knew that I had an uncompleted job that would one day need to be finished, & I hate untidiness.

  In total there are around twenty five Stomper`s, but like all things connected to them, I cant be too sure on that either. What I do know is that they were released unofficially as a whole package. That later went by the wayside & they quickly gained notoriety for being elusive & hard to get hold of. To make matters worse they were never re-released. One look at the record label & you will also see that the matrix numbers give little information either. Inpector Clouseau would be hard pressed to glean much information from them & they seem little more than white labelled DJ copies. Although their not, they are authentic. I guess, scant information can work up the mystique a little ? Which can be good for business, but I`m not sure that is the case here. I respect the compilers & can see that the lack of information is not their fault. It runs deeper than that.

  The tracks on the Compilations are literally stomping R+B/ R `n` R, from the late 1950`s & early `60`s. The general sound does at times leans slightly towards Doo-Wop, but not exclusively. There is a little Blues in there too, but not enough to begin attracting in the Barbeque Bob/ Lonnie Johnson worshippers. Nor, thankfully does it give any allegiance to the Cab Calloway brigade. What makes the foundations of the Stompin` compilations is a divination of downtrodden, little heard tracks from unknowns. A quite fascinating window into very early Black Rock n Roll, & its unlike anything else your likely to hear. In fact, I can imagine my heroes, cats like Howlin`Wolf & Elmore James settling down for an evening of Tender Slim in some backwater Speakasy, just before the Psychedelic period arrived to mess it all up for them.

 The logistics the compilers have gone for is not altogether clear. They seem to have started the series with the music on the earlier volumes around 1955, then slowly, towards the end, working up to around 1962. However, like all things associated with this series, there is confusion here too. If you line the albums up in order you will find the musical periods circumbulates & do not move consistently throughout. 1962 is the cut-off point, but the lack of information on credits & timings leaves almost no room for the dissection of facts. I guess though any later than that & the genre could begin transmogrifying into something resembling a K-Tel special, & nobody wants that.

  The compilations artists are wide & varied in a generous way. Everybody featured in the series takes more than one sitting to really appreciate. Although, to be completely frank, if you walked into The 100 Club next Saturday night, & Tender Slim was whooping his brand of nectar over the PA, then you would, unless you were ill, break into the Flip, flop & Fly almost immediately. The music really packs a punch & you`d be hard pressed to find a stinker anywhere in the series, & that adds up to around 500 tracks in total !  Here there is certainly a lot of pound for your pound. The theme the compilers have attempted is magnificent & it looks like they have tried to remain as consistent as they possibly could throughout the project. Naturally, it must be said, that my lack of information is also theirs. The artists are sensual, exciting & utterly rambunctious. And it is this that keeps the whole thing alive. They all shine & do exactly what is not said on the covers. 

 When I first began to take notice of the covers my first impression was that perhaps they were Bootlegs ? Cheap, `under-the-counter` copies of better produced records from elsewhere, probably somewhere like New York or Illinois, not England. Due to the fact that we have historically always been about seventeen paces behind them. Then I thought that perhaps the records were`seconds that I was wearing, like some kids who had to wear his Brothers cast-offs, as he grew up. Come to think of it, perhaps this is the reason why the fellow at Rays always seemed to shape-shift every time a Stomper turned up in his shop ? If ever I had the audacity to ask for one he would suddenly acquire an odd habit of glancing his head quickly from side to side presumably in case someone over-heard me mention the name, Stompin` ?. Then breaking out into a sweat at the thought that someone had the gall to ask for such a thing. I mean, I`m not joking. One Friday afternoon, I was told very quietly & very quickly to come back in forty five minutes, where volume six would be waiting upstairs for me in a sellotaped bag, & that I was to leave the money under the counter if nobody was there to serve me ! These records were not cheap, mind, just kind of blank. Bootlegs aside, play them & they sound awesome. Any logistics that may of seemed negative go straight out the window after one sitting. That`s why I take my hat off to the `chap` that put them together, & I say `chap` for a reason.

 The Jamaican/ London Blues singer Big Joe Louis, at one of his gigs last Saturday, breathed to me, as we spoke before the gig proceeded, that he knew the elusive`chap` that had compiled the Stomper`s. I was staggered, then dumbfounded at hearing this news. It was as though someone had suddenly turned on the light & shone it into a corner of my sub-consciousness mind, saying, " There you go". My pilgrimage, I quickly thought, could be at an end, as I heard Big Joe utter this tantalizing snippet of gold. Here I was banging my head on the floor every time I walked through another door, & then immediately falling down due to it. Now right in front of my eyes stood a man who`s friend had compiled the Stompers !  I had the chance to learn what I had set about to do all those years ago.

 Now I was thirsty for Big Joe`s sage. I leaned in discreetly, knowing Joe was just about to share with me some awesome wisdom. I sat like a child at the Buddhas feet hoping, waiting for something this great man could clear up for me. As though the mysteries of the universe hung from him & were about to be opened up to me. Joe looked at me, knowing instinctively that I was going to hang on every word he was about to gasp, even before he had mentioned them. Then, as he was about to speak to me, I heard, emanate from the rear; " Joe, come on, food". My one moment of potential vision dashed, gone. My last step towards enlightenment, my entrance to Solutio, all over. Right at the moment, Big Joe was gone & by the time I had grasped my composure, re-took my dignity, he was up on stage singing & channeling the Blues like nobody else in London today. True to form, just as I was about to realize more, the elusive nature of the Stompin` comps had got me again. Dashed.

 Who is this`chap` Big Joe mentioned ? Like the music he`s elusive. In person, of course, he may not be. In my eyes he is. To me he`s also a man that has taken on near-mythic proportion. He drives a wedge between the ethereal & tangible. And like the music & artists, he represents, his elusiveness drives me to self-flaggelate. Is he real ? What else has he compiled ? All these questions & yet always no answers. Is it really that important ? Would it not be wiser to let it go, give it up & just enjoy the music for what it is ? Is not the whole point the music ? Well it could be, but I am not convinced that it is, actually.

 As I prepared for this essay on my beloved Stompin` Compilations I picked up on something interesting, but sadly, also devastating. I suspect the compiler also came across this same fact too. As I sought to recklessly disobey my instincts & push it away, a word kept stubbornly coming back at me. It niggled away at me, this sensation went way beyond the music. I went on trying to ignore it, but as I did my mood got darker & sadder. Something that I did not want to feel, but grated & pulled on me. In this moment I realized what it was & why I was unable to get past earlier attempts quicker. I suddenly realized how deeply the wounds of pain ran. In that moment everything fell into place. A revelation went off in my head the same way, I guess, a bomb would go off on Putney High Street. This bomb was called Payola, & it wrecked a lot trouble, just like a bomb does.

 Payola; the financial exploitation of artists, at the hands of American mainstream radio, coursed through the veins of `50`s American Radio-station culture like poison. Ghastly as it seems, Payola was part of the course of established 1950`s American Radios Stations, just as segregation was in the South. And like segregation, nobody ever seemed to want to talk about it.

  It is a sad fact that Freed & his ilk, were practicing extortion rackets by controlling & dominating the charts of the American 1950`s. For people like him it was not about the music at all, but something much more primitive & vacuous. The concept of payola, established by the DJ`s of that time was disgusting & many, many great musicians missed the boat entirely, & its this dark art that today affords the Stompin` Compilations the clout they rightly deserve. Even though the exploitation took place fifty odd years ago, stealing folks art & denying the public access to quality music, not to mention destroying careers, is not only ghastly, but downright criminal. It should never of been allowed to happen. No musician should ever have to pay those in a privileged position for exposure. And like the musicians on these compilations, who tried in vain to get their incredible music out there, they were denied their opportunity because arrogant criminals like Freed were more interested in feathering their own nests. So many artists suffered at the hands of these thugs.

 To hammer home my point, how is it that a singer of Tender Slim`s caliber, who releases only two records during the whole of his career & both of them make a person shimmy like Sister Kate, & Pat Boone, Aunt Nellie`s favourite, releases a cover of David Dante`s, Speddy Gonzalez, & it gets to spend months & months at number one ? Payola, is the answer to that. Pat Boone`s label could afford to pay. Tender Slim`s independent label could not afford. Even if you compare the likes of Glen Glenn or Sammy Gowan, perhaps Tender Slim`s counterparts, you can still see the discrepancy laid between them by the controlling DJ`s. Guys like Glenn were still able to put their music into the public domain, although somewhat lesser than Boone`s. But a Doc Palmer or Jackie Dunham could not even manage that. Like Slim, Palmer, Dunham & many others that were left behind, simply because they could not afford to pay the big time DJ`s, like Freed.

 Perhaps my young idealistic sentiment had shielded me earlier on from understanding the nasty concept of payola. Probably reading something about this as a child would of scared me off ? Even now it puts me in mind of cruel & nasty protection rackets of 1950`s London. Now I can see that Neil Young was right when he sang `Payola Blues`. What he was doing was making a statement. It said; Payola sucks !

 The real truth about the Stompin` Compilations is not that there`s some romantic mystique surrounding the artists & their music. Nor are these compilations bootlegs. The only fundamental issue here, that surrounds all the elusiveness, is that the musicians music portray an uncomfortable picture of a racist, uncaring & greedy music industry of 1950`s America. An industry that cared for neither music, nor grace. People were commodities & they did not matter unless they paid. The Stompin` musicians were oppressed & suffocated simply because the American Radio industry wanted them to be. If a musician wanted to be recognized & heard then they had to pay the ferryman. They charged vast amounts of money for musicians to be exposed & because of this the only music that ever got heard was a big industry, polished sound. They denied everyone but the rich an opportunity. In this sense they added to the pain of social deprivation, hatred & later anger that spilled out into the streets & ghettos of 1960`s America. Listen carefully to Tender Slim, Doc Palmer, The Premiers & you will hear what I hear; oppression & frustration in their music. It is a sad fact that had these cats been given a fuller exposure than the America of today would of been a much different place.

 What these Compilations contain is an awful genie-in-the-bottle that does, every time you rub it, emanate forth a sensation of historical oppression that leaves one frustrated. Much the same way as, I am sure, these musicians must of felt every time they tried to get there music over to a wider audience & had to stomach payols. Its clear these musicians were given no help or magical wish enabling them to break free in their musical output & they should of had. This is the experience one is left with after the persona of the music dies away. These cats were dictated to, stolen from, used, & then discarded like garbage. This sad fact is what makes the real story behind the Stomper Compilations so sad. Payola tore them apart, limb from limb, like a wild beast snarling & mocking them because it knows its going to win its meal with very little trouble.

  Like a modern day Alan Lomax, the man behind this magnificent series of compilations needs to be seriously credited. The work his predecessor set before him was a large mountain indeed, but he has certainly risen to the challenge brilliantly. Because this is how I see the `Chap` that Big Joe spoke of last week. He is, like Alan Lomax before him, a modern day saint that has graced today`s culture with a series of music so brilliant that, if given the right platform, could actually change the way we view R+B music from that period onwards. He has also, in a unique, silent way, taught us about the cruelty of Payola & racism in 1950`s America, through the medium of R+B music.

 Music gives people a non-verbal language. It enables them to communicate past boundaries of cultural identities. Music has been an essential medium over time, especially during the period the Stomper`s portray. Today`s generation are fortunate enough not have to stomach oppression in their music. Through the Stompin` compilations I have learnt how important freedom is, & how I have taken it for granted. The musicians here never had that, along with many others, & this music highlights this incredibly important factor.

  The Stompin` compilations are timeless & their passion inspirational. And it is this reason that I am eternally grateful to every single musician on the whole of the series, along with the `Chap`, who compiled them.

 Thank you, Mr `Chap`, whoever you are.






Little Walte

Wednesday, 4 December 2013

IVORY TOWER

  Yesterday, you helped me to understand where I am at. You told me that you appreciated & understood my analysis. I am grateful that you told me. I took a massive risk, & although I told myself that it did not matter if Lisa decided to reject me on the strength of it, it clearly did. I am aware of this fear of rejection that I possessed for so long. I had a fear of rejection from those I wanted to be around. Never feeling worthy of love & affection from those I wanted it from. So I would end up with those that would, & did, cause me harm. So I enhanced my educative skills & made my mind strong so that I could be in control of whoever came into my life. But those I liked would not come because they did not live in my world. It was an anomaly to them, & disturbed them. This would enable me to justify that I was in the right, so the good never came, just the bad, so when they left it was not such a drama. My knowledge & material things, my abilities, I have used to protect me from rejection. This clearly came from my parents breaking up, & being torn, like you, from a secure & happy childhood environment & ,naturally, losing Nathan. This fear of rejection did not allow me to live in the world that others inhabit. An ivory tower is where I lived, for I was too afraid of being rejected, hurt or humiliated, by those who could not inhabit such heady places. Emotional maturity is what I am describing. It is something that I have found incredibly difficult to embrace, due to what I have been through. Like narcissism, I have hidden behind a mirror so as not to be hurt by love or intimacy. Of course, this attracted to me all sorts of problems, namely, terrible loneliness, & relations with others that were dysfunctional. After a while I just stayed alone, isolated, surrounded by books & information only. People were not good for me, just material things. When I did venture out to I chose to work with rich Arabs, Pop stars, etc, the type that are also distance from the `normal` world. These days I am embracing & owning my confidence & being honest with myself. For example, I no longer care about what others think of me because I feel worthy of having what I want. Like you, I do not blame my Mother, I accept that she does not possess the confidence to live according to how she would really like to live. I am finding that I am making valued & reasoned decisions that are enhancing my life now. As your kind & thoughtful email proved to me yesterday I am now beginning to exhibit signs of release & honesty within my life. I can provide for myself a living & I do possess skills that enable me to make a valued contribution to society, & be fully functioning in the world, whereas before I did not feel confident that I had such personal attributes. It is a slow walk back, & Carl Jung called this period I have been through, `The Long Night Of The Soul`. What he means by this analogy, is an individuals  confrontation with their Shadow; the dark, repressed side of every persons personality & psyche. And to find total individuation & autonomy, a person must go through ,what is commonly known as, a depression. Once one finds their way back, they know they can begin amalgamating the parts into somet

Wednesday, 23 October 2013

DAVID ALLEN COE - PENITENTIARY BLUES 1968.

 David Allen Coe - Penitentiary Blues.

 The album is super, super cool. The whole thing is stinging, & there `aint` a bum track on it ! 

 When I first saw the album in Archive Records, of Surrey, it just grabbed me, & demanded I take notice. Frustratingly though, it wasn`t until my second trip that same week, that I found my intuition being able to pick up on its exciting, forceful energy. Now I`m at its mercy.

 The album is heavily influenced by early Chuck Berry, with undertones of Lightnin` Hopkins, with a nod in Screaming Jay Hawkins` direction, This alone was a real head-turner for me, especially as I found myself singing along to verses more in-keeping with a Voodoo spell, than a stinging R+B track from `68 ! Check out Monkey David Wine, if you dare. Like a glass of singing moonshine from the backwaters of Billy Goat Hill, I felt totally wired after the second listen. From there on I tore through the album like I would as a passenger of Lenny Woods as he speeds round a race track, not listening to a slow/ medium Blues romp from Alabama.

 Penitentiary Blues has a rare, understated, late `60`s Country/ Blues vibe running all the way through it, & in my eyes should make the album more difficult to justify purchasing, if you can find it. Why would anyone decide to buy it in a record shop when there are far superior albums that can be taken on face value, & are essential acquisitions for any self deserving collector. Theoretically it should not be up there in the annals of quality, understated gems, from the last 45 years, due to a medley of disturbing facts related to Coe`s far from healthy social outlook, but it is. And it is because its a damn hot, stinging Blues album full of superior scales & verses. 

 The covers is great too. It is a work of art, to be frank. A gate-fold, which is always nice, but can pose problems for the collector, as it means getting into rough, hard covers that will slice fingers after two years on the shelf, but hell, its worth it because the thing opens out like a cell door, including bars cut into the front cover. Open it carefully as it reveals a very ugly, angry looking Coe behind it staring into nothing much, looking as though Mother Jones has included him in some compiled list of their worst offenders section from 1968. Just for that its worth the now £15/ 20.00 book price it rightly commands. Continuing along this vibe be sure to delve into the rear, or ass, of the cover. The pictures on its behind look as though they could well of been stills for a first run of Deliverance, or something just as backwards, & dark. I really enjoyed the second photo showing Coe`s re-conditioned, 1966 Huc & Gabet, ambulance, sitting precariously in the center of the snap, leaving Coe looking like a serious contender for its real purpose, if he ever decided to drive it out of the state !

 Certainly Penitentiary has no affiliation whatsoever with 1960`s mainstream America, socially, or politically. It is an anomaly, & in many ways, that is the point here. For buried deep in the bowels of the albums soul lay a passive, burning resentment towards the imposition of anything that is modern, or outside of Alabama. Coe clearly still carries defiantly, on those big shoulders, the pain of two hundred years of the outside worlds refusal to understand the South. Perhaps he is right ? As W.J. Cash said in The Mind Of The South; " To understand the Southern Man you got to be from the South ". So who am I to suggest he is wrong ? But what Coe is really saying here is, "Boy, you aint s`posed to get it", but what we are supposed to do is dig Coe`s particular, unique southern Voodoo Blues sound, & so we should. Because what Coe is channeling in Penitentiary is the soul of the South, with all its pain, & the spilt blood of its people over the last two hundred years. This is what Penitentiary is all about, & this is what Coe is offering; a picture into the South, & I am sure that he doesn`t care whether we `get it or not `. This is no nicely, steady as she goes approach, that White Mansions was, this is a nasty, drug induced Blues scorcher, that musically deserves any half-decent assessment in its favour. With titles like Monkey David Wine, Conjure Man, Walkin` Bum & Cell 33 your not going to get far if you get moral or uppity about this guy. So be prepared, its not an easy listen, but it is worth it. 

 What ever your thoughts on Penitentiary, & its harsh 12" Blues feel, in the end, & this is to Coe`s credit, you will feel a million dollars. Coe is a Conjure man, just like his closing song states, & he dosn`t lie about it. His music is honest, so are his lyrics, & although I may not like his attitude, I love this album, & that`s what counts. 

 Coe. through Penitentiary, if nothing else, has brought us together. He outrages, teaches, yet instills in us one thing; our mutual  love of great music. Turn off your moral compass if your going to get into this kick-ass scorcher of an album, & forget about everything else. Musically its worth it, but be careful because you may find yourself, after one listen, reaching for a Stetson & high heeled boots, but remember, you don`t have a 1966 Huc & Gabet ambulance sitting out back waiting for you if it all goes wrong.

 Take it easy, Brother







Saturday, 28 September 2013

ENDING TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

 This was the first draft of a letter that I constructed to a, once dear, old friend. I have sent it, & I needed to share this with you.

 Coming to terms with the end of a twenty year old friendship, that had deteriorated tremendously over the last few years, took confidence & bravery on my part, because I was cutting off a very important, & influential period of my life. It felt like it too, but I knew that I had no other option, if I were to stay true to myself. The cutting off of a man that had once stood like a Roman God in my life. A man that I had projected every feeling that I had ever had, in relation to the masculine, onto, but one that had driven himself to little more than a bigoted, racist, arrogant, old fashioned man, stuck with unresolved issues that were driving him into an early grave. Yet, I felt almost no desire to listen, assist, or try to understand them. 

 He was offensive towards me, & my friends on a recent night out. They were shocked to hear such disgusting, overt racist comments, bar-room politics, & a demeaning attitude towards women; an attitude so out of touch with modern London that he exposed his ` great life` as a sham, & more importantly, a failure. I felt ashamed & disgusted with myself as I reflected on his tremendously disgusting attitude that emanated from his mouth. 

  I have waited for the right time to explain why I had to cut him out of my life.It was an incredibly emotional moment for me, & it feels imperative that I include this incredible moment of transformation in my Blog. With you.

  Hopefully this letter will go some way in expressing my sentiments towards him, & how I feel about myself today ? 

 Here it is, the full letter

 ~ Please forgive my imposition, but I felt compelled to contact you this morning, for I was saddened to see that you found it acceptable not explaining to me why you chose to turn down my Facebook friends request. 

 You may not be aware of the reverberations your actions & behaviour`s have on others, but as a man that I have chosen to call a friend, for over twenty years, & a man that has had a tremendous effect upon my life, it left me feeling unnecessarily saddened, & frustrated. 

 Turning downs a friends request is everybody`s prerogative, but this is just the catalyst for why I am writing to you today. For I have felt the need to communicate with you ever since your ill-fated trip to stay with me recently, because since that time I have received no word of thanks, anger, or any feelings whatsoever as to how you maybe feeling about how your behaviour effected others that evening. This I found strange because my own personal standards do not allow for such crude behaviour towards others. For, I derive great pleasure from treating people, friends especially, with credence & respect. You obviously do not, as you clearly do not feel such graciousness towards yourself.

 Transparency is something that I have noticed is sadly missing from your personality these days, Paul, & that is a shame. It is not my business to ask why, but when your lack of self-respect begins to affect my life, & progression, then I am forced to confront that issue, & take charge of it, so that I am protected from its debilitating influences.

 You have not extended the same amount of decency & gratitude towards me that I would of expected from you. And, for this reason I am sad to have to set a boundary that does not allow for you to be a part of my life any longer. Your attitude towards me is simply incongruous with who I am, & also seriously disrespectful. Unlike before, if I were to leave these feeling inside of me without attention then I would be self-flagellating, & that is no longer an option for me. Therefore, at this time, I do feel that maintaining a friendship with you, Paul, under these conditions, is simply impossible for me. I am worth much, much more than your attitude & personality offer me.

 If you feel that you would like to discuss this further with me, please feel free to contact me at your convenience.

 Sincerely ~



Wednesday, 25 September 2013

KEITH MOON. A SHY, SENSITIVE INDIVIDUAL.

  Just wanted to write a few words on my old idol, Keith Moon. This is just few lines on how I see Keith today. Perhaps the reason why I took to him so much was because there was a part of me that, like him, lost sight of who I was in pursuit of trying to please others because I was afraid of being authentic, real, alive. Now I no longer feel afraid to speak what I feel as I know that I have something of value to offer others. 

 It is sad that people become hosts for others all their lives, & totally forget who they really are underneath. This is what happened to Keith, & its what happened to me as I grew up. After all these years I can say with deep honesty that I like Keith Moon now. I idolized him because I enjoyed his drumming, but more importantly, I like him because I see him for who he really was, a sensitive, shy individual who was too afraid to be himself. Had he found the real confidence to be who he really was inside then who can say what he would of gone onto become. Certainly something much, much more than he was, & that was superb within itself.

 This is how I see Keith today;

 ~ KEITH MOON WAS FROM A WORKING CLASS BACKGROUND WHO MADE IT HAPPEN, THEN DIDN`T KNOW HOW TO CONTROL IT. UNLIKE THE OTHER MEMBERS HE POSSESSED NO OTHER OUTLET FOR CREATIVITY, OTHER THAN FEEDING HIS OWN STEREOTYPE. HIS NEED TO PLEASE OTHERS TORE HIM APART. IT CONTROLLED & RAVAGED HIM SO MUCH THAT HE LOST SIGHT OF HIS OWN SOUL. HE WAS A SENSITIVE & GENTLE MAN WHO HAD A PATHOLOGICAL NEED TO PLEASE OTHERS. SO MUCH SO THAT HE BECAME INFERIOR & ISOLATED FROM NORMAL, HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS. KEITH DIDN`T KNOW WHO HE WAS, ONLY WHAT OTHERS EXPECTED OF HIM. HE FED HIS OWN STEREOTYPE SO WELL THAT IT IN THE END IT KILLED HIM. AT LEAST HE LEFT A LEGACY. MANY WHO HAVE THIS AFFLICTION DO NOT GET THAT OPPORTUNITY. THEY DIE ALONE & UNHEARD, HAVING SQUANDERED THEIR LIFE IN THE PURSUIT OF PLEASING OTHER PEOPLE. KEITH WAS A RECEPTACLE FOR EVERYONE ELSE`S PLEASURE, BUT SADLY, NEVER HIS OWN ~ 

EBAY. RIGHT OR WRONG ?

Either your a negative feedback leaver, or your not. In the world of eBay your one or the other. As a potential seller of vinyl you probably do not want to get into leaving anything negative, because it will return to bite your backside sometime down the line, when you least expect it. It also shows other record dealers, & serious buyers, that you are difficult to deal with, & that will scare some off, especially the nervous, & they are the ones that usually spend big money.

 The whole eBay world is based on knowing your Psychology. If you have unrealistic expectations this is not the place for you. You will get the less experienced selling records that are not up to much, but their feedback should give you some understanding of what they are all about. In other words, if you have been sold some rubbish then sadly, its your own fault. Sorry to be harsh. I have learnt the hard way myself, & now I know what to expect. What you paid for that particular record on eBay you would of not got for the same price in a shop, & most people know this, which is why they take the risk of not seeing the condition of a record. Its morally wrong to leave negative feedback for someone who has sold you rubbish because they are not dealers, they are people clearing out the loft who require an email explaining the unwritten code of record grading. Your also able to get your money back through eBay anyway, so to take this kind of action would just shows naivety on your part. A stern email will suffice. If you do leave negative feedback others will see you as a ` Ball-Buster ` & steer clear of you.

 Thanks for the link. My thoughts; Well, not incredibly desirable records, as far as eBay goes. Marlena Shaw is your strongest point, but its not Marlena Shaw, circa 1968, which is very desirable, its Marlena Shaw 1978, big difference, along with your starting price, & it is this difference that speaks to other sellers & collectors. For what it says is, " I am just starting out - because I have not reached the stage where I can part with better stuff as yet ". 

 You will have difficulty selling this type of stuff at the starting price you have listed them at, Bruce. You may well get rid of one or two, but making the kind of money, I think you want to make, will not happen with these records, or genre either. This genre you have to stick up at 99p, & then suppress your anger when the same cheap-skate keeps buying them off you for 99p.

THE RECORD COLLECTOR.

Your project sounds extremely interesting, & I expect you have, or will soon, come across  a few very peculiar types on your pursuit of the vinyl hoarders. 

 Actually this type needs little introduction. I personally think the collecting mentality it stems from a lack of trust in humankind. A substitute for something that they simply feel not good enough to belong too. For they live a kind of insular existence that continuously drives them to maintain distance from human interaction as they feel they will be let down. They tend to live a bubble existence somewhat like pet owners who have turned their back on the world of human relationship in exchange for the safer, less satisfying & challenging world of animals. After buying records for many years now I have come endlessly encountered this less than confident attitude buried deep inside the psyche of the record collectors. Peculiarly they always tend to be either close to bankruptcy or depression too. 

 After reading your last email I came away wondering if I was actually going to be a good candidate for the type of person you are seeking. I have a large collection of super special records, & I know my stuff, having dedicating my life to my pursuit of quality vinyl, but I have never allowed myself to become overloaded with vinyl. I was taught by my father, early on, that most records are not worth holding onto. The sensible collectors are the ones that have less, but far slicker collections of records, & I tend to fall into that league. For I only have around 5/ 600 records, & in comparison to some that is exceedingly small. But it packs a heavy punch !! 

  For a TV show though I am not really convinced that would sensational enough. Your call though, of course. However, I do have experience & knowledge of records, labels, condition grading of vinyls, & counterfeits. Call it a kinky sixth sense, but it comes in handy when one is up against the more unscrupulous that always seem to be around where there is money to be made. But, perhaps this experience would be helpful to you as you make the show ? If, though, you feel that a smaller, managed collection is beneficial to the production of your show then I would be happy to work alongside you. 

 Annabelle, I thought it important that I explain my exact position for you. This way you can make a valid decision as to whether you think my presence will have a constructive impact or not. It also enables you to have at your disposal all the relevant tools that will assist you in making a quality show. Please do let me know.

 I look forward to hearing back from you

ELLIE THE EX. A REALIZATION.

 Since we last spoke my ex has got married. 

 You may remember that I tried to contact Ellie some time ago, as I didn`t know whether she was single, or not. After doing some snooping around I was able to ascertain that she was engaged to become married. Back then I was unsure of how I felt about this. We had been `over` a while, & it was far from my place to make any comments on her future happiness. So I came to the conclusion that it was a new feeling that I was experiencing, & that I should monitor myself accordingly. 

 Recently the marriage has taken place, & she has posted the photos onto her twitter page, for anyone to look at ( of which I have sent you a link ). I was surprised to feel that I was not in the least bit sad over this. In fact, I began to feel elated, as though I felt great relief, & then mild shock that I had even been involved with someone of this caliber.

 What I want to share with you today is a realization that I have out-grown that part of my life. The schism between Ellie & I, & a whole host of people from back then, is as wide as the Gulf. And had I stayed with her, & in that frame of mind, I would probably be looking as though I fit into one of those pictures. This is why I am reporting today that I am so much happier now. For when I was with her I can now see how utterly miserable I was then. 

Wednesday, 11 September 2013

SELF DEVELOPMENT PT 1: SOLITUDE & ITS CLEANSING OF THE SOUL.

  ` Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius; & the uniformity of work denotes the hand of a single artist `

 Edward Gibbon,





Today I want to sit down & write a few lines for you because I have stumbled upon something really important & potentially life changing, in a realistic way. I` ve just come back from a work deployment that took me away from the comfort of my home for a few weeks, leaving me feeling, well, odd, but in a positive way. As though it has confirmed to that I really can do what I want to do. This shift from the mundane has, or rather, is beginning to raise my self-knowledge, & with that there is a levelling out of my self-esteem & confidence. Perhaps the real reason I have been able to achieve this is because I have stuck hard & fast to just one thing, & that is solitude.

 When all things were breaking down around my ears, & I couldn`t make it happen, I knew one thing that would, eventually, get me out the patootie, & that was isolation. To get well I had to get real, to get real, I had to get up close & personal with myself, & the only way I could do that was to be alone. During the long days & nights of breakdown & depression, knowing that one day it would end, did not exactly fill me with much hope, but knowing rationally that isolation was the best, & only remedy, for cleansing the soul, I chose to embark upon it nevertheless.

 Eventually I knew that I would come out the other end, one day, but not when, & that was the thing that kept me in denial a lot of the time. Not knowing how to control something was terrifying for me, so I stayed in denial, & like the neurotic, it was much easier pretending to be another person locked to their phobias & issues, then it was embracing the sun, & living holistically.

             

 Returning to the work place recently, & its conventional traditions, that do nothing to evoke a mentally healthy lifestyle, was rather challenging for me. I took it all in my stride on the outside, but internally I was shaking. I had been working from home for quite some time, & the lifestyle it affords can be very seductive, to say the least. That was the main reason I was so perturbed about returning to functioning again, even if it was only for  few weeks. Although, looking back, I can see now that there was no need to worry. Everyone was thoroughly decent , & did not see me as someone who had been out of sorts for a while. They were just accepting of me as another fellow human. I made friends with the exact type I was learning about within. It was a relief to be handed no mantle, projections, or even treated differently. What a blessed relief it is to be normal, & no longer holed up in an ivory tower convincing everyone I am somebody that I am not. The delusions, the denial, loss of love, all speak of a man that was once lost, detached &, but most unsettling, detached. So it was a pleasant surprise to realize that my inner loss was not not affecting me. I learnt that there was no need to pretend to be someone else, or run away from anything challenging, & that I can handle all that is thrown at me now.

    Since the deployment has finished I have systematically been able to monitor my levels of confidence & it is becoming extremely clear to me that something has changed within me. My levels of communication are of a much better quality then ever before. I found myself conversing with various levels of ranking, & this empowered  me to converse with all manners of people. We exchanged ideas, details & some of us have chosen to remain friends.

  Yesterday I even took coffee in Camden with one of these fellows that I recently met. He showed me a part of his life, what is important to him, & how much he felt safe reaching out to me. He chose me. Perhaps he could see the value of having in me in his life as a friend ? Perhaps, anything ? But what is important is that I can now see the importance of him in my life, whereas once I could not. Until now I have rarely been able to see anyone, or anything, in my life that was ever worth fighting for. I can now.

 Today I have the ability to see how important being alone was for those few years. For they have given me something priceless, they have given me back my self-respect, & that is about the most important & responsible thing I have ever done with my life. Through my period of solitude I have found the ability to compare & contrast with who I was in the past, & through this I am able to see my levels of maturation & what I am now capable as a man accepted myself as a man. No longer do I feel hopeless or vulnerable. I am able to make better judgement calls, more improved decision that is bringing into my life various routes that will are add value to my life. I see my weaknesses & I now instinctively know how to incubate them. I am learning how to deal effectively with my past issues surrounding self-harm & personal sabotage. I can set boundaries that work, & that others feel relived to know exist. Solitude has enabled me to begin embracing my masculinity & become the potential I have always wanted to become, that I have known always existed somewhere within.

  My period of solitude was very difficult, & took from me much. I have been angry with it, & I have bowed at its feet, as though it were some personal God. But the one thing that I have never done is pay it no mind, I have never once disrespected it. For solitude has been my very own friend, father & mother, & that is about as important as it gets, if you want to live well.

 Bye for now,

 P



















Friday, 9 August 2013

SELF DEVELOPMENT, PT 2: LOVE; LETTING GO OF THE PAST.

 When things begin to change in our lives it can have a dramatic effect upon our ability to function normally. Something heavy & disturbing leaving the psyche will leave a deliberate protruding upon our solar plexus, leaving one feeling groggy & tired.

 This heaviness is a type of issue, if you like, that is slowly working its way through the emotional senses so that when it does finally leave you one always ends up feeling lighter & more agreeable, with more clarity about ones direction.
.
 A similar process is comparable to that of eating something disagreeable. Once the ill effect has been felt, the poison will begin the journey of leaving its host, within 24 hours, if you are of healthy structure. One should then begin reverting back ones normal state of mind & body. Although, the issue will always take longer to be rid of, then 24 hours, unless your the Buddha, or someone, for it stubbornly hangs onto the host for as a long as it can because the ego has been convinced it needs to hold onto it, when it doesn`t.

 The actual problem is holding onto things that are no longer good for us. This things that cause us to stay connected to that which no longer enhances our lives, but keeps it attached to the past, are so bad for us that they cause us to live only half a life. Holding onto tangible things such as, items, people, processed food, or non-material things, like unproductive emotions, can have dire effects upon the progression of ones path in life. When one does feel ready to let go of the past, & the process of ` loosening` can take place, the upheaval will begin, but it is usually the most frightening part of the whole process. Fearful because the ego has been convinced that it actually needs this issue to function correctly, & once upon a time, it did. But what protected you when you were four, cannot have a viable place in your psyche when you are thirty four. It cannot, & should not, either. And this is why people get angry & frustrated at not being able to have what others have that they see as good, or healthy. The old wound, the old issue that was inflicted when we were eighteen months is still being held onto. Carl Jung called this the Kingfisher wound. 

 The Kingfisher wound is the first wound inflicted upon the little girl by her mother, & the father upon the son.  In mythology it is represented by the piercing of a testicle of the young Knight. He cannot move it, & needs someone sensitive enough to help him remove it, & fast, yet he cannot ask the person who caused it; his father, & it is just that person that he would dearly love to ask to remove it. The first time a person is inflicted with the Kingfisher energy they are scarred for life. They will need to work things out, but if they are wise they will get there because others who have been scarred by the Kingfisher will arrive at their door to assist, in their own way.

 Being around angry, frustrated people can also leave a strange effect upon the psyche. For anger is also an unproductive emotion, & causes many problem to the owner & recipient. I remember myself being with an ex, & every time I tried to discuss her past with her, you know, so that we could learn & grow, I would literally fall asleep. She had this disconcerting feeling of making me fall asleep every time she became anxious. But what it was was an ability she had to self-protect. If there were any threats coming from the `outside`, ones that could open her up, then she had this formidable inner power that could knock anyone out. She was in effect hiding behind her repressed anger. 

 Don`t hang onto unproductive emotions they serve no purpose other than to keep you locked to your misery. By staying attached to the past pain you stay attached to an unproductive, unhappy life. Real people love you, & want to be near you, but as long as your attached to your lies & repression, nobody will be able to get near to you. That`s sad, & your going to see good people coming in, then going out again. Don`t be a side-liner, watching your world slip away, eaten up by those that give nothing. Smile back, show love, & above all, do not be afraid. The good ones will always reach out to protect you, should you feel open. And, guess what, the real ones won`t expect anything in return either. They are happy to assist beautiful people because they can spot one when one appears. 

 The next time you spot a beautiful soul, & you do because your used to them leaving you, get near to it, just like the children do, they don`t have any inhibitions, they rush into beauty, straight away, get close to it. You know you can trust it !

 Love, always










Thursday, 8 August 2013

SELF DEVELOPMENT, PT 3: LOVE. GREAT POTENTIAL FOR THE SOUL.

 During meditation yesterday I saw my late brothers face looking in on me. He pointed to a wall which was very old, & had much ivy hanging down it. As I continued to mediate upon the wall I saw that it began to vanish. Beyond the apparition I was able to see a wonderful scene of beauty. In the distance I could see many people wandering around. They were happy, as if in love. Some held hands, others sat by a stream, children rode bikes, some ran, all the while the sun was out & the grass was so green. It seemed as though this magical scene was taking place in the worlds largest park on the sunniest day ever. This incredible vision of beauty, with its great park, was so much more than anything I have ever witnessed or even thought of before. This great apparition with everything in it that makes a day special. 

 Smells came through that I drew me to recall images from lazy summer school holidays in the Sussex countryside. Bees, & things buzzed around, & I knew everything was nice there. The sun on my face made me think that life was good there, wherever it was. As the sun shone children played, the streams gurgled, & kites flew in the sky. The scene filled me a sense that I had not one problem. That there were no problems with careers, money, people, love, emotions, any of the senses,or normal situations one goes through daily. Everything there, I was left feeling, was secure, sorted, & settled. It was as though problems that I think of as issues simply did not exist. Everything was just wonderful there. Then slowly, as if by magic, the wall slowly came back shutting off my view to this most glorious scene, & I felt frustrated, angry even, that it pushed me away, along with Nathans face smiling at me. The scene was gone & I wanted it back, but the more I tried to recall it all I kept seeing was the wall with its Ivy hanging down, from where, I cannot tell you. 

  Later, as I trained in the gym, I kept thinking about my glorious apparition, then suddenly I realised that my late brother had shared with me a glimpse of where he is. He had come through to show me that I, you, or anyone, can visit the same place he resides in, whenever they want. I could not comprehend what he had allowed me to see, & that I must surely of advanced to a stage beyond any place I have ever been before because I have never experienced anything like this visual. An incredible experience, & one that I think will continue to resonate with me long after today. I hope so anyway because I think that this will improve my mind & spirit. The way I look at things from now on.

 Perhaps the wall is only condition that one must learn about. See through the wall & you will see through your own blockages, your issues, & be at peace within. Once one has then have then they can join in with the scene, or just allow the energy of that great place to infiltrate their own consciousness, & live a better life. This was, I am sure, a scene from Nirvana.

 A scene from Nirvana. Incredible. The potential is there for us to see deeper & with more perspective. That there is nothing to be worried about. That everything is as it should be. I`m going to allow this beauty to come into my life & transfer its energy into all that I do.

 Will you ?


Monday, 5 August 2013

SELF DEVELOPMENT, PT 4: LOVE SUCCESS, OR LOVE ?

 When the time comes to move, you got to get to it. If you don`t move when the feeling to shine takes you, the opportunity may not be there a second time. Life is like that. There are times to move, times to stay still, times to speak, times to say nothing, times to run away. If Your thinking correctly, your going to understand what I`m talking about. Because if a person thinks correctly then they can achieve anything.

 Think correctly, & your thinking like a winner. Think like a winner, & you become one, instantly.

  Emotional responsibility is what you are going to have to tune into though if you want to get to thinking like a winner, & that means dumping your ego. Don`t lose sight of yourself either, but getting too wrapped up in your ego is going to cause you problems, if you want to get on. Know the difference, & learn it fast, because whatever is holding you back you can bet its ego-driven.

 The next stage of connecting with the thing you want to get into is something that going to take real courage. This is really tough, but burn this issue out of your psyche, & your going to make leaps & bounds unlike anything you have ever achieved before; learn to give. Fall in love with being of service to others. Turn yourself into a walking act of selflessness, & do it without conditions. If you do this there will always be plenty more for you, so don`t worry about going without, because you wont. Hang onto things, & you will suffer. Begin embracing an unconditional stance when giving to others, & you will live fully. Live fully, & you will become rich in whatever you wish to achieve.

 Now, its probably worth mentioning that ever since Napolean Hill wrote Think & Grow Rich, back in the 1930`s, there has been much written on how to achieve successful living. And, by & large, its actually not difficult to achieve it. However, the one thing that Hill never mentioned in his seminal work was just how to put his lessons into practise. I`m not going to regurgitate what the man has already written about. What I am sharing with you are my own experiences in how I was able to achieve a plateau that enabled me to begin establishing a sound platform to work from so that I would be able to achieve lasting happiness away fro the difficulties of attachment. This way I was able to relax & understand my place within the universe, & how it functions in relation to my needs & desires. It not been an easy route getting to this stage. In fact, its nearly killed me at times, but somewhere inside I always knew that I would get through the fundamental part of the process towards self-actualisation, somehow. It has been difficult, & challenging, but worth it, because the dividends the universe is pays me now is phenomenal. Get through your Nigredo in one piece, & the rest is much easier. Learn to be honest with yourself & you will burn through the issues that have stopped you from living as fully as you can do.

  The ethos has been around forever. Be honest with yourself & failure cannot affect you. Think about hanging on to things & you will become a failure. Be courageous & to stay open. Don`t project your inner power onto another, own it, & grow. If you gave little you will receive little. Your going to literally suffocate to death under your own dead weight, because there`s no room for movement. If your doing this then your going to get emotionally & spiritually ill. Next time your out take a look around you & see how many are suffering that fate, without even being aware of it. So,  master this, & you got yourself onto a decent level of emotional competence, & then you will be able to establish an inner balance that will not let you down.

 Everything in the universe functions from a perspective of harmony, & it is this that you are fundamentally seeking as you burn through your issues. The more one burns through their unresolved issues the quicker one can get to a place of inner harmony. Harmony with the universe is harmony within yourself, & that is the spot which is complete love. Once you see this place within you then you its much easier to understand that what you thought you were seeking your not. What you are seeking, along with every other pilgrim is Love. And, there is nothing more important in your life then Love. It is love that heals your wounds & brings about the success that you thought the other things would bring. They don`t, it is Love that brings it in, the other things are just objects that represent your detachment from your Love. The reason that you do not have the things that you think you crave is because really you crave Love. Because you are so far removed from your feelings about it, you have projected that emptiness onto the object of your desire. Sure, the universe will give you what you want, literally, & that includes a quick route to your inner Love. If you have that Love, then you will have everything. Once you have everything, then you have all the objects that you will want. However, once you have the Love returned to your heart your desire for the objects you craved will not mean anything. If you can begin understanding just how your emotions communicate with you it will be easy to see just how simple this concept is. One does not need to complicate it with intellectualism or ego, this simply defeats the point.Just start today to begin noticing the distinct pattern of how your subconscious mind works. Then let it direct & lead you into the easiest route to your success. If you do this you will begin to see how you bring about the unnecessary hardships  that have obstructed Love in your life.

 Whether you want a nice home, nice partner, plenty to eat, lots of money, or even no more money, understand this; it all comes from knowing your emotions. If you want any of those things then your in need of Love. If your broke its not because you have no money, that`s just an illusion played on you by your sub-conscious mind, because its easier to handle then it is to feel unloved, abandoned, or abused, what it really means is that your not in Love with yourself. It means your not honesty with yourself & about life. Understand this concept, & you will find the quickest route to your success, to your Soul.

  Knowing yourself intimately is assuring yourself the best life possible. Why would you not give that gift to yourself ?

 P