This morning my friend Manny suggested that I begin writing a blog. He is the second friend of mine to of suggested this, in less than a week. And, although I only received the suggestion, from the first friend, Sunday, I began my first ever blog, Monday. I thought that I would try the waters, see what kind of a response I would receive, if at all, by writing a few thoughts on how I view things. I chose Love. I chose love, because I have been running away from it for so long because I have been afraid to accept it into in my life.
Love, or rather honesty, & authenticity, is really as real as it get`s. Do we run away from it because we are scared, or is it because we simply do not have the confidence to face up to loving ourselves enough ? Are we good enough to love ourselves ? Now, I am not talking about the type of narcissistic nonsense that every teenager, naturally goes through, &, unfortunately, too many adults who are continue to function on some basic level that denies them the potential to do anything honestly. I am discussing here a genuine, honest, even painful, appreciation of oneself that eventually becomes bountiful enough to attract in someone. Not the all-singing, all dancing, fanfare of a fairy tale prince, or princess, but a physical representation of ones soul. The shimmering comfortable manifestation of a genuine love that is represented in a person that you have never met, but, yet, they feels so real, right, & you cannot pin-point why. This is the type of love that I am discussing today, here.
I have not met such a person, yet, but I am aware that she exists. I am aware of this persons presence entering my life. For far too long, due to other issues, I did not believe in myself, or have respect for myself, nor confidence. I simply could not believe enough in myself to function above a basic capacity, so I rejected, humiliated, & hurt others, all because a person would show me kindness, sensitivity. Naturally, then anger would set in with the other person, then I would, we, would suffer rejection, completing the cycle of non-advancement, & denial. I stayed lonely, shut away in my ivory tower for years.
Today it feels right to function on much higher, more refined platform today. Love is an extremely important dynamic in ones life, but it can only be embraced when it needs, or wants to. A friend suggested to me at the time that my life alone was not perfection, but progression, I appreciated this analogy so much. When he offered me his words of encouragement it really summed up my narcissistic behaviour toward myself. All I was doing was covering up fear because I was too afraid to open myself up to the world & say "I am no longer afraid".
Buddha said; that what ones puts out to the world, he will surely have return to him. I believe that it is imperative to take time out & dedicate oneself to cleaning out one`s issues, one`s emotional mess. This mess harms us, it stops us from attracting in all that is correct & beneficial to us, that obstructs a soul mate entering our lives. It blocks us from becoming aligned with our sub-conscious, that is the surest deliverer of success. This blocking of obstructing ones soul mate in is not always one way, it can come from both sides of the coin. The other can also block you from materialising in their life, they may not be ready for you, but this should not stop you from feeling happy. If you are unhappy because they are not there then I do not think that you are seeking your soul mate, but just someone that will bring romanticism into a boring, or sad life. For, it may not be the right time, universally for them to meet you; their correct person, simply because you have not arrived at a state of maturity to embrace such honesty with another ? Not doing ones alchemy prolongs the benefits of being the best you can be, it also stops `them` from entering your life. But it also stops so much more; materialism, a nice environment to live in, sex, happiness. Much more then just them, much more all round. If I am not happy with myself, how will she be happy with me ? If my home is not all it could be, how will she enjoy, & feel comfortable, there too ? If my friends leave a lot to be desired then she will not desire to spend time with them. It is simple, but we complicate our lives so much with peer pressure, issues, finances, materialism, but these are all figures if denial, when they are desired alone. All these things combined do not give the pleasure that genuine love with one`s soul partner will give. Those things give a comfortable life that should be every persons right, but they should also just be by-product. Nothing can give the pleasure of being in genuine love with ones soul mate.
Perhaps, as I am writing this today, that I have come to as stage in my life where there is a genuine space for another to enter & to feel safe in, real enough that we can both express ourselves ? I cannot answer that honestly, but I do feel qualified enough to say to anyone out there that is lonely; you do not have to feel this way, if you do not want too. There are others, like myself, out there, that have been through pain & could not find the confidence to open up to love again, so stayed in a box, under the stairs, suffering. Watch your dreams, listen to the voices that speak to you sincerely, that are there, all the time, trying to make a connection with you. They exist. Just listen
Tell me about that dream that`s on your mind you had the other night, lets talk, honestly, & at last.
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