Do you suppose that frustration within oneself is honest, or do you think that it could be easily averted by taking the onus off of the thing, or situation that you desire ? If I were to deflect my attention away from that which I want, only because in the moment I cannot have it, then my frustration, or suppressed desire to have that thing will be easily channelled into other pursuits that need my attention in the here & now.
It is this attitude of instant gratification that has caused us, in the west, to become so desirous & needful of all we see immediately, that we have become hopelessly lost within ourselves. Just look at our film & T.V. industry, in fact, it is one of the main the reason that I came away from working in it a few years ago. So what would one need to do to relieve themselves of all this inner frustration, & desire for instant results ? Well, I had a day of it myself yesterday.
Well, I had a day of it yesterday, myself. I had been waiting to for things to change, transform, within me so that I could return to practical work, something that I had come away from around three / four years ago, as a way of changing careers. It had not worked at this particular stage, due to my own issue around self-sabotage, or fear of allowing change to benefit me. Ever since I made a fateful decision to not return to a wonderful position I had procured for myself, my life became a series of frustrating, & harmful, situations that would not allow me to move freely. Everything seemed to be pushing me to confront my fears around embracing whatever I wanted, but I continually resisted every step of the way, culminating in a very, very frustrated life. What I also noticed about this inner tension was that I had become suppressed in pretty much every other aspect of my life. My body ached continuously, & I had become almost afraid to stand-up for myself, & I was alone, lonely too. I could not concentrate, set boundaries appropriately, nor could I enjoy other pursuits, such as literature & music. I was, in short, inadvertently self-harming & sabotaging; ruining things before they had even begun, & it wasn`t new. This was old, & a real problem. And, I have only begun to really get on top of it fairly recently.
With the advent of a new satisfying career entering my life I felt certain that I had made the Saturn retreat successfully, but after three weeks into it I ruined it by acting stupidly & insulting my superior. Thanks to this I could count the days before I would be thrown out & sacked. True to my word, that is exactly what happened. Thanks to my ridiculous behaviour, I was out of my career after three weeks, & would spend the next four years learning & preparing myself for a possible second try at it. I knew that by going away & learning more about myself I would gain a more depth knowledge of why I had this horrific issue.
Four years on I cannot say, as far as that situation goes when I will be able to return, or even if I will want to when the time does come, but I can tell you today, as I write this Blog, that I have learnt one thing, & it is that you must never allow yourself to be at the mercy of anyone, or anything, as you prepare yourself. It is supremely important to obsess about what you want to happen, but do not be attached to it, keep detached from the object at all times. Try & remember that, because that is where your inner power lay, & it is also wa place that will rob you of your inner power too. Do other things, take time out if you can, but above all, learn what the situation is trying to teach you in the meantime. This will ensure you a smooth root into whatever you are choosing to achieve, & you will also learn about what it was that stopped you from being successful in the first place.
If you fail at something learn why you failed, & learn it obsessively. If, for one reason or another, you cannot find out why you failed then learn to understand yourself from a psychic perspective. Learn to meditate, learn to chant, but find out yourself, & not from anyone else, other than the source, if you can trust it. People will come to help you, & others will try to hinder, harm & obfuscate, so know yourself. Never blame others, own it. This way you will not be at the mercy of anyone else. Whatever it is that you have failed at become realised through obsession, but not through attachment, find the middle path, & the path back to success will be yours.
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