SELF DEVELOPMENT - PT 6: MUSIC THAT SUSTAINS. THOUGHTS.

I have always had this delayed reaction to things in my life that I know later will improve it. Sounds screwed up, maybe it is, but I tend to see it more from a deeper perspective, like I just have to feel right about something. If its real, then its going to still be there, or come back to me, when I am ready. It must be to do with trust, being over cautious, or not being able to see the full picture at the time.

 With Don Crawford, I knew that I wanted it. It even came up during meditation, so it was clearly a meaningful album on some level, but I just left it, kept looking at it on-line, leaving it, listening to it on the tube, singing it on the bus. It just wouldn`t go away. I mean, it wasn`t even pricey, which could of been a justification. So I just left it, walked away. Then last week, without even thinking, I just bought it. It arrived this morning. The morning after the hellish experience I went through. The album became meaningful. Suddenly reflective, protective, with depth. Now I can see that my unconsciousness was actually guiding me to it, but holding me back for the right time ?  When I first heard Don Crawford I instantly thought of Ritchie Havens, whom I love, but have really not got back into in a long time, which was more justification, or so I thought, not to buy it. The lesson for me here is that I need to be more aware, & confident, of my own patterns of behaviour & authenticity, because they work. 

 My unconsciousness was preparing me with tools that would ease & nurture me through a shock. It was providing personal security for me. Perhaps a shock that I needed ? A need to prepare me for the outside world again

 . Burglaries are shit, & like yours can be dangerous, but they happen, & it is a fact of modern  day London, that they happen on a regular basis. Therefore, if I am to be a force, once again, in the world, I cannot allow myself to be deeply affected by these types of things, as I once was, to the point of depression. This record was provided to comfort me during a shocking experience that my unconsciousness knew was going to happen. Sadly, I was not wide enough to see the full picture of what the shock was going to be. But, I do know. And I have learnt my lesson surrounding the fear of reality.