Did the emails bring up anything of interest for you ? I could sense that you were thinking about them this morning. Perhaps you had a dream, or that the picture is meaning something else for you now ? Everything is circumambulatory, & is constantly changing, so I would not be surprised if this is the case. Like Alchemy.
I knew that there was something more that I wanted to write to you about. Your email was so full of other things, that I felt unable to broach last night. I become so sleepy, that I felt it wrong to continue writing.
You mentioned that, perhaps it maybe easier to just accept who you are now, as opposed to ` fighting all the time `, when things are slow or troublesome. Why ? If you are fighting whenever you are struggling, then why ? What is this internal conflict trying to tell you ? Are you impatient ? The paradox seems to be that the more one wants to grow, the less one will. This is the sticking point. It seems that growth comes from pain, perhaps because we remember the lesson so much more when it hurts ?
Do you find that everyone that comes into your life represents an aspect of yourself, like the picture did ?
Heather, I want to ask you if you meditate ? I do, & have done for around fifteen years now, since I was a child. I feel that now I have reached a point where I can control my emotions so much more then I ever could before. Of course, there is still ego there, but it does not hold me up like it used to. Before, my ego would materialise in all of my relations, my writing, my knowledge, & I used it to w hide behind. Through fear of being harmed, ridiculed, shamed, rejected. I would try & stay in control all of the time, so that I wouldn`t be left vulnerable, but I can see now that all the while I was already vulnerable, & afraid. I suppressed all my inner power, which was so powerful that it cut into me, & left me weakened, without, & in lack, continuously. I eventually became depressed & ill, which in hindsight, was probably the best thing for me, because today, I feel so much healthier.
Alchemy speaks of reaching the stage of Solutio; Latin for white / solution, or cleansed. The image could be a woman washing her sheets, or famously, the pelican pecking at his own chest, which symbolises contact with the heart, or consciousness of the heart. It is a fundamental stage to reach, & one to be proud of. It is also the stage of rising from the ashes. This morning, around 4.00 am, I whiffed a subtle, yet strong, smell of ash, as I lay in bed, semi-conscious. I had been drifting, & mentally preparing for meditation, when the smell came. I knew that the smell was telling me something much greater though, that now I was about to become cleansed symbolically by the water, or tears. Letting me know that the emotions of the heart are what is at play now, & it is an integral stage, as much as everything else is. It is, as we discussed, last night, the ascension of the feminine within me now. This is because the spiritual energy of the feminine within me can now be contained by the masculine carapace that I have become through my learning, my Alchemy. This is also why I have been in such emotional upheaval recently, for I have been preparing for this stage.
The stage of Solutio is not just the entrance of the external feminine,simply because one has grown up, but also the entrance of all that is complimentary to advancing the masculine principle of man, but without the ego. For, the ego is not masculine, but silliness, & immaturity. Everything that is now happening to me is advancing my external growth, catching up on the outside, you might say, which is why the ascension of the feminine is so important now. Just having this conversation with you is essential for me, finding your picture, you finding my picture for me, giving something of value to me, that will enhance my life, my growth, my maturity, something that will be with me until my body ceases to continue, are all signs that this is the actual stage I am at now.
Now, this also means that you have also reached the Alchemical stage of Solutio, for you have been reading my Blog.
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