Well, Karma is Karma, that is clear & it is part of who we are as individuals. And, I personally do not think that it can be changed, but I do think that one can transform negative Karma into much better quality Karma.` If you don`t like your life, you can change it `, right ? Yes, I believe that life is as simple as that, but what is not so simple is the actual changing of your life, because it means burning through so many issues that many do not have the courage to face, or acknowledge.
Karma can change your destiny, & if you begin to see just how integral Karma is to the way you live & function in your world, then you will understand just how easy it is to get a a lot more pleasure out of your existence. But, if you happen to be on of the few that has a very happy & pleasurable life, then you probably don`t need to bother reading anymore of this, but if you can be totally honest with yourself for a few minutes you will see that your not satisfied, but just contented. And, that`s denial, so stick with me a while.
By aligning yourself with your Karma you will begin to groove closely with your destiny. This is the way that you will begin to live the life that you really want to live, & not some nasty quasi-role that consistently keeps you one step away from dying.
Life was never supposed to be a hard slog. We were not supposed to get up of a morning feeling dread at the thought of the day ahead. We were never supposed to be at the mercy of our emotions day in day out allowing them to drive us to despair. Never, it makes no sense whatsoever to be under the occupation of dreaded thoughts that limit our capacity to live fully. All that means is that one has a lack of understanding about how Karma works.Only that causes us to feel this way, nothing else. Dis-ease, dis-at-ease. Ignorance obstructs a person from enjoying life as it was always intended to be; a stroll through a valley on a sunny afternoon. This is how life should be, & not the continual struggle it has become. Anxiety, depression & stress is not part of our evolutionary programming, much the same as processed food is not meant to be eaten, but we still do eat it, & it still screws us up internally. Time to stop this madness right now, & acknowledge how easy it is to do so.
Lets see how it works, & how we can change it for the better, & for ever.
As a Post Graduate I studied Psycho-analysis. It was intriguing, boring, beautiful &, at times, so intense, it nearly killed me. I continued studying right up to the stage of my Masters. After that I took various positions of employment, all mundane, & pretty much the same as the ones I had taken before my formal education begun. These jobs were meant to allow me to pay for my courses, which they did, b ut the problem came when I refused to stop doing them, even though it ceased being good for me to continue working in them. They were not important, nor incredibly well-paid, but sadly, even frighteningly, I continued to work in them long after I had completed my studies. I never once attempted to work in the field of Analysis, not until much later, anyway, & then only for a brief period. Something was wrong, but I could not bring myself to acknowledge exactly what it was. I was miserable, sad & depressed. Out of sync with myself.
Not until much later was I able to begin seeing just how much these mundane, boring jobs had taught me. These jobs, & the people I met whilst employed there had, I realised later, taught me so much about life & how to function properly then any of the formal education that I had achieved heretofore. Yet, I continued to feel guilty about not working as a Therapist, & made damn sure that I stayed in denial over it too, all the while I remaining in these grim positions.
As a Psychoanalyst I knew my onions & had worked in long time placement positions, & enjoyed it too. I had learnt much about the art & wisdom needed to be an effective Analyst. But, I could not bring myself to take a position as a clinical analyst, or even as a counsellor. I could not bear working with others who were depressed like I was. That would of been like staring at myself in the mirror, like admitting I had problems, which I did, serious ones, but I could not bring myself to admit it. I needed to stay in denial for the sake of my health. Working in a clinical environment would of been unsuitable for me in those days, so I simply stayed away from them.
At first it didn`t seem to bother me, but later the conflict & the suppression became an issue for me. I continued taking mundane positions, staying for short periods of time before leaving, always in some perceived fit of pique. Then came the Police Service, I joined up. Very much looking forward to the position of a serving Officer within a professional organisation would afford me. I was excited about the change it heralded, the potential it allowed for transformation, the continual access to Psychotherapy. More importantly, the chance it gave me to, at last, make a solid go of my life. Then, after a while, true to form, I found fault & left, but not before causing serious problems with my Superiors. The pattern was the same as all the previous positions. Take a position, well below my functioning capacity, enjoy it for a while, then begin seeing flaws everywhere, & finally, leave.
Did I hear you say, " Dudes got low self esteem ? ", well you would be right. That is exactly what I had, no capacity to evaluate myself for the purpose of self worth, whatsoever. No self esteem & no self worth, Just a big bag of vulnerability & contradictions that served the one & only purpose of stalling me from getting on in life, or was it ?
Today I can see that my natural Karmic path had been rolling out all along. At the time I could`nt see this, all I ever saw was that I was sabotaging myself, & stopping progression entering my life. I was sub-consciously holding myself back from moving in a direction simply because I did not feel confident nor ready to go with it. I lacked the courage of my convictions because I was unready to do that at that time. But lacked the foresightedness to know that my Karmic path was that, but not at that time, other issues had to be dealt with first.
As I write to you today about Karma its easy for me to share with you the faults that are easily attributed to self-sabotage. If they are left at that then that is exactly what they become. However, if I go further with my theory then it becomes simple to see that my intention all along was to drive myself to be the best I can be. Knowing that I was, either in a rubbish position, or firing below my capacity level, or else in a position that I was simply not ready for at that time. What caused my mistakes was impatience. I pushed myself because I was unable to handle what I was going through at the time, depression. I could not embrace or value what I was going through because it was diluting my ego, & that was terrifying for me. Vulnerability caused me to ignore the reasons that I had come to for not wanting to remain in any of the positions that I had sabotaged. I pretended that they were not good enough for me when all along they were, but just that the timings were wrong.
Now I can see that all these the positions were superb for me really, & were meant to of happened for me. I chose them so that I could pay for my studies, & not be emotionally challenged by a job, leaving me free to pursue education, which I adore. The problem came later when I chose to return to the same jobs after I had graduated. This was emotionally suicidal for me because it meant that I was putting off working professionally. Later, joining the Police Service felt like the right thing for me. I knew that it would be good for me get involved & utilise my skills, but the timing was wrong for me. As usual, ego was carrying me & not allowing my Karmic path to guide me, & that was dangerous.
Clearly the Police is part of my destiny, but because I had the feeling to do it back then I was unable to see just how far out of reach it was for me then. But, & this where I get back to my original discourse on Karma, what I learnt about myself through the Police, through my time there, was about as valuable as it gets for a person, making me a better man for the future. Just like it turned out to be with the other positions.
You see, & this is my point, if we make a decision to do something & then it becomes an obsessive thought it may be that we need to prove to ourselves that we can achieve that objective. This is especially true if we were told as children that we would not be able to do something, for whatever reasons. This way when failure does arrive it becomes so awful that we simply cannot handle it effectively, & have to prove to ourselves that we can do it , &, of course, others wrong. We go into a form of denial which saves us from the feelings of failure, rejection, loss. These are the effects that being out of touch with our destiny, our Karma, leaves within us. When the timings right, & we have resolved that which has screwed us up previously then we can return to our original goal, & succeed, naturally.
M goal was not to be a Police Officer, a Psychoanalyst, or even in a string of mundane jobs, but a person who wants to show people how to live a healthy, fuller life. A life where you win, & succeed in all you do. What this means is that I was supposed to of completed what I did, not necessarily the actual roles, these are unimportant. For I am an Officer, a Psychoanalyst, I`m a man who can do mundane jobs if he has to. The point I am making, & this is the nucleus of the whole essay, is that my Karma is taking me through a string of life-situations that all have a common thread running through them.
Every work related situation I have experienced, & everything else, has a thread running through it. It is the same in all areas of my life. My life is circumambulatory, & there is nothing is linear here except the fact that it consistently changes. There is a pattern in everything I do, & experience, & the whole point of it is to see how the pattern weaves through our lives. This is Karma. The pattern is Karma, but how I cope with the pattern is cause & effect. And, how I deal with the fall out of the cause & effect is my experience. What I remember &, therefore, choose to retain within my consciousness will become my experience of the situations. Not being emotionally ready to become a member of a professional organisation like the Police, at that time, left me with a negative experience of my time there. Now, because I know that it is Karmic, & that it will reappear again, but only once I have resolved the issue that stopped it happening earlier, namely that I did not feel ready for it to happen then because I had to learn more about the role before undertaking it.
So, can I choose to drive along another path if I would like to ? My Karmic destination is rooted, not in what I do, but in the spirit in which I do it. I can assist people, or I can assist myself, if I want to. How I do it is of no relevance really. How I view myself in the role (s) I choose in my life is totally a choice for my consciousness. Like music & art that side of things are totally subjective. I may enjoy listening to Sun Ra as I write today, but tomorrow I may want The Beatles on as I write. It is of no concern what we choose to do as roles. This depends on where we are emotionally, it has little to do with your Karma, only in as much as that you are in the spirit of what you are supposed to be doing.
I hope that this essay has gone a little way in sharing with you some thoughts on Karma, & how I see its place in my life. I have not consciously tried to enforce my opinions on anyone intentionally, but if I have left you feeling this way then please accept my apologies. It was not my intention to offend anyone. This has been a small, somewhat rushed, essay on Karma, & just some personal views that may, or may not, go some way in shining light in places where previously there was none. It maybe that you totally disagree with all I have said, & want to string me up ? I have spent many years considering how Karma works, & after much deliberation & thought, over the years, I have to one conclusion; that it is correct to think exactly what you want to think about it.
Within Karma, every world religion, every book on Spirituality & theology, & every person from the most ignorant, to the most educated, all agree, on one thing at least, that there is a common thread that runs through our lives consistently which concerns itself with relation & consistency only. Everything else is how we as individuals choose to align ourselves with it from the start to the finish.
Interesting, eh ?
No comments:
Post a Comment