Over the last few weeks I have been thinking a lot about Jung & his Fisher King Wound theory.
I shall not bore you with the details, but basically it is the very first negative experience the Father inflicts upon the son. As he is so young its rare he remembers it without inner work. Once he does he can begin to release himself, not from his Fathers perceived cruelty, but from his own self-imposed perception of his Fathers cruelty. Over time & talking with you I have come to see that my Father is not a bad person, flawed, yes, but not cruel. He did not inflict upon me spite or shame, but I chose to view it that way. What he did was behave in a way according to his own understanding at the time. Its not how I would do things, but that is irrelevant. My Dad chose to live his life in accordance with how he was brought up. I have taken time out to understand myself as much as I able to.
Yesterday I had a revolting headache. As a child I got migraines. Over the course of my life thus far, I have come to understand that they are not suppressed anger, but repressed fear & anxiety, simply because I never felt safe or secure enough when it came to accepting upheaval. The Fisher King Wound was the first jolt in my life where I had to learn to cope with change. The change then was learning to see my Dad not as I had until then & it scared me. The migraine was bodies inability to cope well & kept me from advancing. The headache yesterday was simply telling me that I have a massive changes taking place within the relationship with my inner masculine & self -development. And the reason I left the studio early, due to the pain, was because I was unable to see clearly that I was afraid & scared of the changes that are now manifesting themselves materially within my life.
Its not quite enough for me to see that the migraine is my own bodies sign of development & progressing taking place in my life, but it is more a sign that I am fearful of that change, but really how I do not need to be. Things are changing now & that is because I have worked to make these changes appear. This also means that I able to confront masculine problems now such as other men`s issues not affecting me, like jealousy, hate & anger, because I have relevant confidence because I have seen that the cruelty & spite was simply my own perception of my Fathers behaviour. This is not wrong or amoral, but totally natural. Its also why many do not challenge those parental mores imposed upon us as children. Sure, bad things happen, but it is one copes with them that dictates how they affect one.
My Father, as a man, is not a person I would look to for a warm & respectful relationship with, but I can, or rather am, beginning to see who he is. When I look at my friends, you & others I feel proud of what I am achieving & have done without him & because of what he has provided.
Seeing my skills & abilities through my past insecurities is empowering me. Bands are coming back, film work is returning, as are the people I once worked regularly with because they can see that I am not the spotty teenager who kept shouting on-set. They can see that I am a man who has grown up & matured. And that is because I have managed to see the King Fisher Wound that pierced me so badly & which was inflicted by myself.
Its great that you have been able to see all theses positive attributes of mine a long time before I could ever have found them. In fact, only recently did I come across an issue that I thought was long gone & it put me in mind of Jung`s Fisher King Wound theory.
According to your fine observations, it would seem that I am completing the process of pulling the metaphorical shard of glass out of my soft & way too sensitive private parts.
For the Fisher King Wound is the first wound inflicted upon the son & his vulnerabilities by the Father. It was never intentional, nor was it done to inflict harm & it is this understanding that is the whole point of Jung`s theory.
The point of the process, that of refining ones personality, is done so that one can arrive at a stage where one can see what the actual Fisher King wound was & why it has caused so much pain. Once this is seen then healing will automatically begin.
During the healing process the symbolic testicles or in conventional terms, ones masculinity & eventually autonomy, are delivered a catastrophic blow & whether one is able minded enough to face the fear & pain. Once this has happened then one can herald in the enlightened alchemical stage of Solutio. Maybe this is where I am today & why I can write to you about it ?
Ah, the blessed whiteness of Solutio & the clear Tuesday. How beautiful she is after the long & torturous night of Nigredo.
Peace.......
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