Nick Drake seems like an OK guy. Sensitive & enjoying that side of himself. Walk Away Renee by The Four Tops, is the first snippet of music one hears as the dialogue begins. His voice soothes me, but in a strong, yet slightly manipulative way. This put me on edge a bit. If I were sitting with him & felt tired he would not allow me to doze until he was ready to allow me. If I did, he would be ever so polite, but all the while harbour a long & silent resentment towards me for falling asleep while he was in full-flow. This is a man who hung onto things, especially hurt from others. Its this that made him sensitive. He even mentions it. My senses tell me that he would have made more of things then was sensible. He knows about himself, his poetry, femininity, good looks, education. He enjoys, & is aware, that he is different to others, but only from a,` I know I`m different & will prove it` kind of way.
Nick was having fun with his tape machine & microphone. He was up late enjoying the dawn sun, something depressants don`t usually enjoy. Either way, Nick was about to tell me something more of his personal history, but stopped. What a pity. Or maybe he never had any real intention of doing so ? I liked him, but I know that nick would hold a grudge towards me if I upset him. He would never tell me what I had done, just see it from his perspective & leave it at that. In fact, I know this to be true because a friend who does the same thing contacted me whilst I was listening to Nicks dialogue. I would go to my gave never knowing what I had done to him, & he would never forget it either.
If I were a shrink I `d say that what killed Nick were the amount of grudges he held onto towards others that he perceived had hurt him. Call me cynical, but this is what he is telling me, & from my professional training this conversation does indeed show signs of abuse. Abuse victims grow up with uncanny powers that they use to propel themselves over others with. They make themselves bigger & better than others so that they can reinforce their personal belief that they really are `different to others`. This is why there is such a mystique around him. All sufferers of abuse, that do not come to terms with their pain, usually evolve into some kind of artist. Its a gift they hone that always seems to self-destruct in the end, or when they are close to being found out. Whether music, sex, art, acting, whatever they choose they become good at it. This is because they use it to build a massive protection around themselves that is then finely tuned into a mystique, allowing them to continue believing that they are `chosen`. Manson did it, Lennon did it, Hitler did it, Jim Morrison did it & Nick Drake did it too. Rachel, my ex, did it. She `knew` that she was a reincarnation of some Egyptian princess. She mesmerized men, danced as though Krishna had personally blessed her & healed a cut on my hand once just by holding it. She was also ferociously abused by an Uncle for ten years of her youth, which completely fucked her up. She was also, like the aforementioned, unable to cope well in society. She, like them, adjusted by believing that she had gifts, which eventually turned her trauma into gifts.
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